Sometimes, I am very tempted to "go shallow" or censor my thoughts on my blog because I'm afraid what people may think if they read it. I know that I don't like reading shallow blogs--now, these are different from "everyday life" blogs which I totally understand won't be deep all of the time. I just mean that I don't want to write fluff to just post something.
That being said, I have been thinking a lot about my recent trip to Indiana. I had an absolute blast hanging out with my sister and friends--finding THE white dress. Seriously, I don't think it could have been more fun. The weirdness came for me when I visited my old church. It was wonderful to see everyone, and I felt very welcome. I felt the power of God. It was really positive in almost every way. The weird thing was that I didn't belong anymore. It was like I was watching my life from 2 years ago, but I wasn't in it anymore. It made me really sad, but I couldn't figure out why at the time. After thinking about it more, I have come to the conclusion that a chapter of my life is closed, but I didn't know it had happened until I was in church. That was so much a part of who I was for so long that I almost grieved a little for the loss. I think this will sound crazy unless you have experienced something similar.
Cali and my experience here have changed me more than I realized: being married, planting a church with a very small team (that really is like family now), leaving comfort, truly understanding grace and love...
I am not the person I was. I am thankful for the change, and God is sovereign. His perfect will is coming to pass in my life. It is just weird to realize all of this within the span of a couple of hours.
Yeah, so that's what I'm thinking, for real.
I understand what you mean. You're still you but you've added layers now, so it's like your time there has become a deeper layer - very much a part of you, but not the whole picture anymore. :) Love you! Had so much fun with you and the ladies!
ReplyDeleteIt was good to see you and have some quality time. What you've done are major life changes, so it's inevitable that it changes you (and causes you to grow in different ways). I agree with Jess...same you, new layers :)
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ReplyDeleteI totally understand this....as I have moved around a lot...but I am glad to hear you are doing so well adjusting to everything new! As I have aged I have sometimes just grieved for the "what use to be" knowing that it will be no more....glad I don't get "stuck" there...Hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving day and enjoy your mama and papa when they come out for Christmas! Love you!
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