Hey everyone, this one is just a little stream of conciousness about life right now. It's just where I am.
So, I was really hit last night with a lot of thoughts about my life. I feel like David and I are in a trial that is never ending. I am, most of the time, encouraged and can overcome the heaviness of it. Last night, I just had a hard time. I know we are in God's will to be here in CA, but it just gets tough once in a while. There are only 5 other people who can even understand the intensity of being here and doing what we are doing. (I am immensely grateful for the 5 of you though!) Sometimes, I just want it to be easier, more fun. I know this is totally my flesh, but it gets to the point where I wish we could move somewhere and just join a church that already has leadership in place, where there are tons of people there that are instantly able to be my friends, where we don't have to plow the hard ground because someone else already did it.
I know (because David often reminds me) that the Christians in the book of Acts suffered far more than we will ever suffer in order to grow the kingdom of God. I just cannot seem to understand that or relate to it. I even "know" that people in other countries are facing persecution for believing in Jesus. This, I also cannot really understand. How do you see around your circumstances to the bigger picture? I try to pray about it. I try to ignore it and just go on. I try to think of solutions or work harder to improve. Nothing really seems to help though. I feel like we just have to walk through it. Last night, I got tired of walking. I felt like quitting. I guess I am saying all of this to say--I am in need of your prayers. All I can pray lately that feels authentic is "Breakthrough, God. Breakthrough." Pray that with me, please.
Hang in there...just want to share something that P. Kim shared about you last night in leaders meeting. We were talking about discipleship and he said.."You know, one of the best disciplers we've had here was Lara" He then went on to use you as an example of effective discipleship with Jessica and Shaunquia. I thought that was something you might enjoy. =)
ReplyDeleteI understand somewhat about wanting to be in that place where you don't have to work so hard...I've had some of the same feelings with children's ministry. Obviously not to the extent that you are feeling with being a leader of a new church.
You mentioned knowing your limits in an earlier blog...I encourage you to take time out when you need it and do what you gotta do. Sometimes it takes just raising your hands and feeling the love of God to get you through something. You can do it Lara...what God brings you to, He'll take you through (it may not be the exact quote but it sounds about right). =)